


Finding My Heart, Using My Hands

by diplomatsson



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dark Past, Finn is so good and pure, First Meetings, Fluff, M/M, Poe is also so good and pure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 12:50:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5744467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diplomatsson/pseuds/diplomatsson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He still cared, still had tenderness in his heart that he wanted to use. There were still people, good people, that he wanted to experience. He really believed so."</p><p>Set in my college au, Finn arriving at the college, and his first time meeting Poe there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding My Heart, Using My Hands

**Author's Note:**

> I hope people actually like my college au because I keep writing stuff in this universe lmao. Anyway I hope you enjoy!!! If you have any questions/comments, go right ahead!!!
> 
> Find me here, where I'm trashy: jamescooksjr.tumblr.com

 

The night is dark, the darkest night there had been for a while. The air was near-freezing and rain poured down all over, hitting against the trees and the pavements. The woods were bare, not a person or an animal in sight when he got there, not that he would have noticed if there was, because he just kept running forward, his feet stomping into big muddy puddles, dodging trees left and right, always moving forward. If he didn't get far enough fast enough, someone would find out. Someone would come after him.

He was running from his school, a few days before he began his final year there. A military boarding school, where they trained each pupil to be a soldier, a war weapon. A school where no-one had any memories beyond training there, who wondered about their families and where they came from, and wondered if they were born into the school, or if they had somehow had their memories repressed or wiped. He didn't even know the answer himself. He thought about it all the time and he couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand staying in an institution that treated their students like less than human, and couldn't take another minute of cruelty, of feeling their personalities affect his own. He couldn't stand their thoughts starting to become his thoughts, too.

So he ran. He jumped the fence and ran, with no possessions. He left everything behind. He wanted a second chance and deserved a second chance, and he was never going to have that chance if he had stayed. He had to find somewhere else, where people cared. Absolutely anywhere must have cared more than his school - well, his now old school - did. He still cared, still had tenderness in his heart that he wanted to use. There were still people, good people, that he wanted to experience. He really believed so.

But he had to find those people quickly if he were to find them, or he'd be right back at square one. So, when he had met the other end of the woods, come out the other side and he could see lights through the dark, glowing through the trees, he ran towards them, and through the gates before them, and down all the concrete pavements of the place beyond the gates, and past all the buildings the walls that met the gate contained. It was an institution as well, he vaguely realised, but a good one. It had to be a good one. He had to be that lucky.

His mind a blur and his body no better, he stopped running, finally, and looked around. There was a big house to his immeadiate left, with the door painted orange and some of the lights were on in various windows. It looked like a dormitory. Now that he had a proper look around, all of the buildings surrounding him looked like dormitories, or lecture halls, and things of the like. And he had to get inside one of them, somehow, in case there was someone coming after him. The bright orange of the front door was so vibrant, unlike any colour he'd ever seen, and before he knew it he was knocking on the vibrant orange door, knocking and knocking with some persistance until someone inside noticed. The thought of the door being answered, of somewhere else being on the other side, was wonderful. But the thought that he would be unwelcome, and that the door would close shut in his face…

for the first time since he began running, the fear had finally sunken into him.

The rain didn't slow or weaken at all, and the night was getting deeper with darkness around him. He was soaked to the bone, his clothes so drenched he could almost feel the weight of it. His breath was coming out in quick huffs and shivers, and his fingers trembled with the cold. He felt it all when he was finally standing still, while he was waiting at who knew what time, who knew where for who knew what. But he still waited.

Finally, he heard keys and locks turning on the other side, and in mere seconds the door opened in front of him, the light pouring out from inside the building illuminating him and the damp and dark around him.

 

"Woah, what'er you doin' out here, buddy? You're gonna catch your death."

When he first meets Poe Dameron, it's at the other side of the door. He's wearing a mauve t-shirt and pajama bottoms with cartoon illustrations of aliens on them, barefoot, his loose curls askew and stubble on his chin, his eyes the deepest, warmest brown. His expression isn't steely like he's used to, he doesn't look angry about what was currently going on. He looked more concerned than anything, the gentle light from inside the dorm house setting a glow behind the stranger. Poe seemed to examine him for a few moments, take in all of him, before he spoke again.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

He thought about how he had probably never been asked that question before in his whole life, and then he thought about how he hadn't said anything since Poe had started speaking. He had to say something. But what?

"You… you have to help me."

Poe's brow furrowed, "Help you? What's going on, where're you from?"

"Can I-- could I come in?" he asks, "Or, could you let me in? Please?"

Poe steps aside, "Yeah, come on. You must be freezing."

As he moved forward and into the dormitory, he was confused by all of Poe's kindness. He was unused to it. For a moment, he didn't trust it. Because where he came from, rare signs of kindness were always a trick, a trap, something to lure one into a false sense of security. He had to remind himself that nowhere was like where he came from, that there were good and decent people, everywhere. Poe must have been one of them.

Poe shuts the door behind them, stands parallel to him and leans in closer, looks right into his eyes. It's almost hypnotic, he finds.

"You have to keep your voice down, okay?" Poe had lowered his own voice to a near-whisper, "there are people trying to sleep, you know?"

He nodded, "Sorry."

Poe put a hand on his shoulder, the contact feeling strange to him. "Hey, don't worry about it. You look pretty shook up, man, what happened? How come you're here?"

All the questions overwhelmed him; he didn't really know where to start. "I-I… I came from somewhere bad and I can't go back. This is the first place I could find where I could… hide."

The concern in Poe's expression only grew. He gave a single, slow nod. "Right. Hide?" he seemed like he wanted to ask more questions, about why he was hiding, about the place he came from. But he didn't. He just said, "Okay. You can stay here. You need some clothes, you're drenched."

He couldn't believe it. This stranger was just going to let him stay here, right now, no questions asked? He heard Poe say something, but didn't comprehend it with how surprised he was. He just followed Poe when he made a gesture with his hand that suggested he should. He lead him up some stairs and down some corridors, a route that he would no doubt forget in seconds with how full his mind was right now.

"We keep all our spare stuff in here," Poe tells him when they arrive at a door right at the very end of a corridor, "lost property, sports uniforms, stuff like that." He swings the door open and invites him to take a look, "you're bound to find something to wear in there, just rummage around a little bit. I'll leave you to it, alright? I'm gonna go get you a room key so you've got somewhere to sleep. I'll be back in five."

"Thank you," he says as Poe turns to leave, because he feels gratitude above all else right now. Poe breaks into a grin, and he had never seen a smile so perfect, "No problem. Uh, hey, I forgot to ask. What's your name?"

 

There was a long pause, and then he said, "Where I came from, we didn't have names. Or-- we got assigned letters and numbers, but we… …my uh, my name is FN-21--"

"No, no, no, we're not gonna do that here," Poe interrupts, sounding almost sad at what he had just heard, "I don't know what kind of place you came from, but I'm not-- I can't do that." He began to think, his eyes squinted, his lower lip drawn into his mouth. "'FN', huh? …How about I call you Finn, is that okay?"

"Finn?" he echoed, and then he smiled bigger than he ever had before, "Yeah. I like Finn."

When Finn smiled, Poe smiled too, and he extended his hand out towards Finn, "I'm Poe Dameron, it's nice to meet you."

Poe Dameron. Finn shook Poe Dameron's hand and replied, "It's nice to meet you too, Poe Dameron." When their hands met, he noticed that Poe had his fingernails painted a deep green colour, the paint somewhat chipped, with other, old colours and shades underneath the latest coat.

The dark-haired boy laughed, "Just 'Poe' is fine." He lingered there for a moment, looking at Finn while Finn looked back at him. "Get dressed, alright? I'm cold just looking at you."

Poe turned to leave a second time, but Finn reached out to touch his arm, and Poe looked at where his hand was, his gaze travelled up to his face and then to his eyes, again. His stare so intense.

Finn says, "Sorry. Can I ask you one more question?"

"Of course."

"Where… am I?" Finn asks, hoping it doesn't sound too stupid.

"This is Skywalker College," Poe answers, "you're in Resistance. This dorm house is House Resistance."

Finn nods slowly, "Are you in charge here?"

"Sort of. I'm Head Boy, but Dean Organa, well, she's the Dean so she's in charge of everyone and everything, including me," Poe scratches his chin, "you can meet her tomorrow."

Finn began to panic once more. "But won't she be angry? That I just showed up out of nowhere and stayed here?"

Poe shrugged with one shoulder, "When I explain to her, maybe. Maybe not. Either way, it's all gonna be fine. That I can guarantee," there was that grin again, "she's a wonderful woman. She'll understand." Finn noticed Poe's eyes look him up and down another time, "now, can you please get into something dry?" he asked, his smile ever-present, his tone light, "and I'll find you a room to stay in. Back in five, remember? Like I said before?"

Finn didn't even notice himself laugh, but he did. Poe made him feel at ease, "Yeah. Back in five."

"You got it," Poe gave a two-finger salute, "welcome to Resistance, Finn. It's really good to meet you."

Finn's eyes never left Poe as he walked away, not until he had turned the corner and was completely out of sight. There were good people still, that's what he had always told himself, even as he was running. There are kind people, who don't care where you're from or what you've done, people who smile like sunshine, who wear five coats of different coloured, chipped nail polish. There are people who call you Finn.

 

There were good people still. And now Finn knew that for sure.

 

 


End file.
